As I pulled in the driveway I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
“He cannot be!! Omgosh, he’s not doing that right now! Is he?!”
But, yep, there he was. My neighbor, that’s constantly washing his car, was at it again today.
I know, I know you’re probably saying “Ummmm, yeah, soooo, what’s the problem exactly?”
The problem?!
It was raining.
It was not only raining, but there was a hurricane coming right at us in less then 24 hours. In his defense, it was a car I’ve never seen before, so I sort of chuckled about the “new car” excitement, and thought “Man, ya just can’t make make this stuff up.”
I gathered my grocery’s and made some small talk about the car and we laughed a little about him washing it in the rain.
“It’s new to me!” he said with a smile so big ya’ couldn’t slap it off his face. “It’s a 2011” he continued, as my eyes caught a glimpse of the hood ornament that reminds me of the peace symbol, which is how I remember Mercedes Benz. “I had it out this morning and it got a little dirty. I just want to wash it and get it in the garage before the storm!” I can tell he’s trying to get it done so I don’t linger, but did take a second to glance down the side of my house assessing the situation and say something passive aggressive to him like, “Oh good, it looks like Chris pulled in everything from the yard, so we should be good.” And then glanced to the side of his house where some empty buckets lay around, along with a wheel barrow and items that should be put away when there’s a CAT 2 hurricane coming, to which he reassured me “Yeah, I’ll take care of mine in a little bit too.” “Ok sounds great! Stay safe.” I yell back and decide to try and be funny with a “If it starts to get too bad, we’ll come over and sit in your new car in the garage until it passes.” And I feel like it fell flat, but kept smiling and wished him luck with the new ride.
The next morning at 6:45 my phone, and my guys phone, simultaneously alert us “Tornado Warnings.” I feel the first wave of “This is going to be a long day” come over me. I stumble out of bed, make my way to the coffee pot and hit the on button. Which now looking back, I’m like “Who does that? Who thinks about coffee after getting a tornado warning?!” I glance out the window and still see all his stuff scattered about the yard and think to myself “Man, come on David, do right by me and put that stuff away like you said you would!” Quietly sipping my coffee, watching news updates for almost an hour, I start to hear my guy waking up. He took one step into the living room, glanced out the window and I’ll quote him here…
“You better go over there and tell him to put his sh&@ away before it starts to get bad!!”
And again, I know, I knowwww what you’re thinking here because I was thinking the same thing!
“Me?! As in, I have to? Why do I have to?! You’re the man of the house…”
And that’s right where I left that ridiculous thought because then I turned into…
“I don’t need a man, I’ll absolutely go take care of this!”
But, somewhere deep down inside me, I was hating everything about this situation. I put my rain jacket on and headed to the kitchen. I’m internally pep talking myself as I open the fridge, silently grab a beer, slip it into my coat pocket and head over. My heart starts to pound a little because first, I don’t like confrontation and second, I just truly don’t want to have to do this!!! “David, why couldn’t you just do what you said you would do yesterday man! Why you gotta’ make me come over here and do this right now…” (because sometimes my inner voice sounds gangsta’) my thoughts trail off as I hit the doorbell, and I’ll add here how much I hate ringing doorbells, I think it’s startling to the whole house and “Oh Hi” I say waving to her like I’m across the street but I’m two feet in front of her, as his wife opens the door.
“Hi” she says holding the door for me, encouraging me to come in. “Come in, come in…”
I’m so awkward right now it’s ridiculous! I’m saying something like “I hate to ring your doorbell, oh no I’m fine out here, oh, well, ok sure, um, ok, I’ll come in for a second, so umm…” now crossing their threshold and standing in the entry way I somehow manage to say something like…
“Hi, so, do you think David could maybe just put away the wheel barrow and buckets on the side of the house with thestormcomingitsmakingmernervouswithall thatstufflayingaroundoutthere…”
And I’m well aware I’m talking way too fast, but I’m trying to get it out of my mouth as fast as possible, and as I finally get the last word out, I slip my hand in my pocket and present the Bud Light to her like it’s a bottle of fine wine……
“And I um, well, I brought some motivation maybe?!”
And there it was, the laughter that broke the ice.
She burst out laughing and hugged me and said “Of course!! What’s out there again?!” And in my head I hear “Oh dear gawdddd please I can’t say it again I just can’ttttt sayyy it againnn” but out of my mouth comes “Oh, it’s just a few things, the wheel barrow and buckets” and I hear myself but am so sick of hearing myself and then I awkwardly hug her again and thank her and off down the hallway she goes to find him as I let myself out saying “Ok, Thank you, be safe and if ya’ need anything we’re right next door.”
I’m completely cracking myself up as I walk across the yard back home and I swore I heard the music to “Mission Impossible” playing in my head as I’m thinking “Boom! Mission Accomplished!”
Now trying to tell Chris everything that just went down, and completely cracking myself up, I glance back out the window. There he is, running around picking everything up and NOW I feel bad. I feel bad, because I’ve got that feeling inside like “I just got him in trouble” and I say that because, his Mother-in-Law is outside with him, following him around, pointing to all the things he needs to pick up as SHE’S sipping the Bud Light!!
Ok, wait. Now, ok, that last sentence, that last sentence right there, that isn’t true….
I SO wish it was though!!!
Yes, she WAS outside with him managing the situation yes, but not sipping the beer.
It would have been so much funnier if she was sipping the beer, or maybe it would have been even funnier if I cracked the beer open and took a sip as I was standing in their entry way explaining what I needed from them to make me feel safer.
Needless to say this is still, to me, a very funny moment. I couldn’t stop laughing at myself, but I think my friend Amy is right, I’m very easily amused.
So, there ya’ have it Bud Light. There’s your next commercial.
“Bud Light, when ya’ need to break the ice.”
Special Thanks To: My brother, Scott Devine, who laughed so hard with me after hearing the story and then made it even funnier saying “You should write about it, submit it to Bud Light, embellish the story a little by having his mother-in-law sipping the beer.” And my friend Amy Reagan who thought for sure I cracked the beer open when I entered the house.
This is why we share stories! People make the scenario even funnier!
Side Note: Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Do things that are a little uncomfortable, that make you feel awkward. It’s usually worse in our heads then in reality.
#budlightforthewin
#crackyourselfup
DevineTime 