Perception

Perception.

It’s a funny thing isn’t it?!

When I was a kid we would drive by this little two story home, white with black shutters, tucked off the road about 50 yards and the outside was severely run down. I loved this little house. I don’t even know why. It was disheveled yard, a collection of items that never made it inside all scattered about and I vaguely remember seeing someone shutting the door behind them one time, but rarely saw anyone come in or out of it. I daydreamed about the inside and thought it would be beautiful. I pictured a spiral staircase, creaking wood floors, and old burgundy velvet furniture and a fireplace. One day I shared this with mom as we drove by….

“I love that little house, I bet the inside looks totally different than the outside. I bet it’s….” quickly interrupting my sentence with “Oh honey, please. It’s a mess inside.”

It hit me like a tidal wave.

“What?! No!! It’s beautiful I bet.” I had made this daydream up and was so attached to it. I had convinced myself it was beautiful inside and never once thought it would be like the outside. I was probably 10 at the time.

Then the year  “Little Miss Sunshine” came out Mom and I went to see it together. We sat right next to each other, ate our popcorn together and as we walked out of the theatre I said to her “That was so good, so funny!!” Still chuckling to myself. “Funny?! Honey, that was so sad! How did you find that funny?! It was so sad and dysfunctional.” She looked horrified. 

I was soooo confused and heard myself say…

“Wait, did we just see the same movie? How did you think that was so sad?!”

I was shocked.

But man, sad? Little Miss Sunshine was not sad! I’ll tell you what was sad, the time I said “yes” to meeting her for a movie and dinner without even knowing what the movie was about. The Name? “P.S. I Love You.” Two minutes in, I’m sobbing. Dinner after wasn’t an option. I cried through that entire film. When we got outside my sinuses were wrecked, my eyes red and swollen and I couldn’t pull it together, I was still crying, and she was saying something like “Oh honey, that was so good! I’m sorry you’re so sad but it was so amazing with the notes and the mother and what a happy ending.” (To be truthful, I’m tearing up a little right now just thinking about it.) I was like “Happy?!” Yes, a happy ending I’ll agree, but to me, it was absolutely gutwrenchinglyheartbreaking. 

Two people seeing the exact same things  having two ENTIRELY different experiences. It’s all perception then isn’t it?

Similar to my perception of this little motel I use to drive by everyday. It was single level, little brick building, run down, with about 20 rooms. I would drive by everyday and some of the residence would be sitting outside sipping coffee, smoking cigarettes sharing their stories or quietly reading the paper, sometimes playing cards, all the while smiling and laughing. So many mornings I would drive by thinking “Man, they all look happy.” I would make up stories in my head about them, “He works 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. and has the rest of the day off. That’s his neighbor and she, she works a night shift, they don’t have much but man are they happy.” And on and on my day dreams went. One Sunday morning Chris and I were driving by and I said “Babe, they always look so happy. They don’t have much but look at them, they’re always smiling.” And his response was “Ummm, because they’re drunk! That’s why they all look so happy!”

I burst out laughing! “Drunk? Really?” 

All those days?! I seriously never once thought that! I just saw people talking, sharing and laughing but ya’ know, I think he was right!

“So, what’s real?”

One of the questions I’ve been asking myself my whole life.

Is anything real? Or is it our own perspective of what we see, how we interpret it, and what we come to the conclusion about.

So, maybe nothings real.

Maybe this life, our third dimension and human form is all in a constant state of interpretation. Is it all based on our take of it? Our beliefs? Our opinions? Our perception?

Love. Maybe love is real. But wait, how many people I’ve talked with where I’ve heard them say “I never really loved them, we just got married because it was the next thing to do.” “She loved me more then I loved her” or “I had fallen out of love with him years ago. We just waited for the kids to graduate.” Or when the separation begins and each party has their view. “I’m doing, taking care of, paying for everything and attending events with the kids, and I go out with one friend for dinner and he’s saying he does everything? I’m never home? Gone for hours?!” Those types of perspectives are hard because those are DISTORTED and DELUSIONAL perceptions! Especially when ya’ know what you’ve seen in person, first hand, and then hear some bullsh%# cockamamie nonsense spew out of their mouth.

Joy.  Maybe joy is real then. Like those great songs that bring joy, gives ya’ goosebumps maybe?!! But, wait….what about the songs I can’t stand and yet people crank them. 

Maybe Faith then. Maybe faith is real. It’s real to me. But wait, then those conversations I’ve had with Atheists come to mind. How I ask them and probe them trying to understand their perspective, “So you’re telling me if the doctors told you your son or daughter had some type of illness, it wouldn’t stop and make you pray to something?! Or pray for the team of doctors? Or pray for your child?” And to hear them say “Why? What would that do?!” And because I try and be open minded I “hear” what they’re saying, but it blows me over every time. I can’t go a single day without thanking God, The Universe, The Source whatever YOU want to call it, I’ve experienced way too many moments in my life that absolutely let me KNOW there’s a God. Yet, some would say that’s my perception.

And to take this to another level, even Einstein said “Time is an illusion.” So, even time isn’t real?! Some cultures don’t even have a word for “future” or “passed” because it’s all just right now. A friend of mine from CT years ago, if you asked him for “the time” he would glance at his watch, look right in your eyes and say “What time is it? Oh, it’s um, it’s now.”

Perception is an interesting thing. From politics to faith to finances (these three things we were told, or I was, that we should never discuss) it “always just causes arguments.” So what, we’re suppose to walk around not disturbing the world?! Not calmly and maturely talking about how people view faith because we can’t control our emotions enough to listen to another’s opinion without it escalating? We can’t ask how people manage their money? I don’t care about how much or little you make I like to talk about how you save it, what you do with it, how to be a good steward of it. And ok, here we go, politics. Man, THIS topic! This topic has been eye opening just in my family alone. The heated debates and the venom that seeps out of the mouths and daggers from the eyes around the kitchen table?! Holycraponacracker! I just don’t see the point of arguing your view to someone who has a completely different (distorted) perception of it. How about we just let them have their opinion, as we sit in it, sit right there in it, confidently knowing inside, their wrong. 

Perception. It’s all how we interpret it. Or hear it. How many times I’ve been talking with someone and then I hear their view of what I just finished saying. “How did they get THAT, from what actually came out of my mouth?! THAT’S what they think they heard me say?” Or now with texting. I mean how many times have we “heard a tone” in a text message?! All our perception.

But, here are a few things I do think are real….

A wild flower growing in the middle of an area that’s been destroyed by fire, reassuring us anything is possible.

Sunrises that are breath takingly beautiful and absolutely different every single morning, reminding us everyday is brand new, with opportunities for brand new thoughts. 

A warm spring breeze that washes over us on a random afternoon, that feels like a giant hug.

Snow flakes, how each one is completely different, reflecting to us that we are all different as well, and even proven, according to our fingerprints.

Change. The inevitable in life we don’t escape, challenging us to adapt and grow. 

Faith. The one constant, always right there, waiting for us to work together. 

But……

That’s just my perception.

Side Note: The morning this piece came to me, I had a writer’s block. As I stepped into the shower I said to God (the universe, how ever you want to call it) “Hey, if there’s anything I should be writing about maybe send it to me?” And two seconds later I’m in the old memory  about the film “Little Miss Sunshine”and how different Moms view was and heard myself say “perception that’s what I’ll a write about.” I then went and all I wrote in my notepad was “Little Miss Sunshine” just to remind me that I wanted to write about it.

A special thank you:  comes in to Angie Chepelsky. You came into my room at 1:00 that afternoon and said the words “I was suppose to see Little Miss Sunshine tonight.…” and I can’t remember any of the other words you spoke after that because I couldn’t believe you just said that to me after my note I jotted down that morning. The confirmation that Perception was THE exact thing I wanted and needed to write about.

“Your life can only be as free as your perception of it.” – Deepak Chopra