Redemption

According to my recent google search, here’s how you can redeem yourself if you feel you’ve messed up…

1. Own It, Don’t pretend you didn’t mess up
2. Implement Measures To Stop The Same Thing From Happening Again
3. Get On With Your Life
4. Don’t Let It Get You Down

Ok, but wait…….you should know, this was actually tips on “How To Redeem Yourself At Work” that I took upon myself to doctor up a bit for life and what I thought made sense (to me).

Most of you reading this are probably decent human beings and live by these standards except maybe, if you’re like me, you may have trouble with #3 & #4 (and sometimes #2?)  I bet you’re good with owning it, trying to prevent it from happening again, yet maybe, getting on with your life and not letting it get you down, may be a little more challenging IF you’re like me. But, if you’re not and have learned to discipline your mind and control emotions better, have a better handle on taming and self soothing yourself and live by the rule of “I don’t really give a sh&@ about much of anything” then you my friend, have reached the level of adulthood where you have earned a….

“Tip of the hat to you and nicely done!”

Personally, I’m taking a while (undertermined as to why) learning how to snap back after moments I feel I could have been better in and get stuck sometimes on #3 (getting on with my life) and #4 (not letting it get me down).

My friend, Mary Claire, recently said to me “It doesn’t really matter the “why’s” anymore, right!? Like, trying to understand someone’s behavior or even my own behavior, I care more about the “how’s” and the “what’s” now.” Or something close to that, as she continued explaining “I just stopped caring about the “why’s” and focus more on WHAT can I do differently or HOW can I grow and move forward, that’s what’s important to me now.” And what did I do after this simple 8 minute conversation? If you know me, and I think some of ya’ do, I think you’ll know I pondered it the rest of the day. On and off I would hear her, replaying what I could remember she said and how she said it. So matter of fact, so calm and clear headed. No more “Why do I, why did they, why why, why” doesn’t matter to her anymore. She’s more focused on how she’s going to do or not do something and what can she can do moving forward, to which I am now trying to adopt for myself.

Redemption was a word my friend Sylina said to me after I was telling her how I couldn’t look at anything green, still now, months after last years St. Paddy’s Day celebration had taken a horribly fast, downhill slide. It’s the day we all look forward to every year. We wear our green, bagpipes can be heard on and off throughout the day, some of my buddies wear kilts and leave it up to us to decide if they’re “going commando” or not, some may be buzzed by 9:00 a.m. and it’s just a long fun filled day of talking, laughing, shots, beers, Irish food here and there, and shenanigans all day long. Yet, this year, as it started approaching, just looking at a simple plastic green novelty ring would make my stomach flip and a sense of self induced shame kept coming over me. I couldn’t talk about it, but yet, somehow still wanted to talk about it?! If that makes sense? My friends are amazing they’re like “Connie you were fine!” But to me, I ruined the day. To me, I felt guilt and sadness because it didn’t effect just me, it effected my guy, the one who was having fun when at the two and a half hour mark of celebrating, I stumbled over to him with my “Babe, hey babe, (now whispering) babe, babe we gotta go. I gotta go.”And he was dumbfounded! He had just started having fun and I had already had wayyyyyy to much fun and way to fast. I actually saw a video he had taken of me dancing with my friend to “I’m Walking on Sunshine” and I said “Is that sped up? Or is that real time?!” knowing it was real time, but a part of me desperately wanted it to be sped up because I didn’t want to believe my sweet moves could look so crazy at that kinda speed!

So, this is WHY we have a village of friends to help us see clearly when we can’t. It’s the village that steps in and says “It’s your redemption year!” And that, that’s the sentence that washed over me like a warm breeze. “My redemption year! That’s what this St. Paddy’s day will be!”

The redemption has already started. I owned my mistake (like immediately) and now, almost a year later, I have some ideas to implement to try to NOT let that happen again as I’ve JUST started getting on with my life and I’m FINALLY not letting it get me down anymore.

That beautiful conversation with Maryclaire over something completely unrelated started me letting go of the “Why do I keep doing this or why do I keep doing that?!” and focus more on the “How can I and what can I” and that simple sentence from Sylina that switched my brain from “Ewwwww green” to “Huh, maybe Ima’ be ok after all.” Maybe I’ll redeem myself so much this St. Paddy’s Day that green becomes my new favorite color!

Sounds good in theory.

Wish me luck!

Happy St. Paddy’s Day Celebrations Lads & Lassies🍀💫🌈

Special Thanks To: Sylina, ya’ always take the sting out of things! To MC, man, I love our deep conversations, you make me ponder life! And of course to my guy, who has a heart so incredibly forgiving, he could lead us all by his example.

Side Note: Normally I would insert the video of my sweet dance moves here, but out of love & respect for my friend who danced with me, I’ll spare him the embarrassment.

Note To Self: “Hey, Devine how about drinking some water, it’s gonna be a long day.”